Hello Anxiety... It's Me Again!

So, I've been doing pretty well with this ride from hell I'm on AKA my Anxiety/Panic disorder.  I'm doing the yoga & breathing.  I'm off all the meds still.  And when I do have that "feeling" coming on, I nip it in the bud before it gets any further.  Walking helps.  Just going for a walk around my property watching the sunset or whatever.

But there is that rare instance......  I had one just the other day.

Hubby and I took Caitlin with us to Home Depot for some part he needed for the RV sink.  I was feeling uneasy the whole ride.  But it happens a lot.  So I kinda fade into the music.  When we got there Hubby just wanted to run in real quick.  I was fine with it since I was still a little funky feeling.  Caitlin wanted to go, but we figured he'd be faster without her.  She was NOT happy!  And when she's not happy, NO ONE is.  She has the worlds worst tantrums! 

So, I was sitting in the Home Dept parking lot, 30 miles from home {AKA the comfort zone when I have these}, just me and Caitlin.  Her screaming and kicking. Then boom, I was having a huge panic attack.  Chest tightening and pain, fingers tingling, nausea, my world's spinning.  And all she could do was scream about not being able to get down.  Hugest tantrum at the worst time ever.  

I had my lorazapam on me, but I knew if I took it it wouldn't be me getting through it, it would be the friggin' pill.  And I really don't want to start that bullshit again.  Being dependent on that crap is horrible!  I know this next part is totally weird and dorky, but it works..sometimes.  I started telling myself "my brain tells my body I'm OK"   I repeated it, I hear my daughter repeating it... I stopped hyperventilating, my chest pains went away and I was starting to feel better. 

This FUCKING SUCKS!!!  My body can fix almost anything wrong.  But I can not fix this.  It will always be.  Always.  I will forever have this stupid stupid really stupid disorder!  What hurts me the most is my daughter saw this.  AND!! she thinks its normal!  My brain fails me.

The effects of a panic attack vary. Some, notably first-time sufferers, may call for emergency services. Many who experience a panic attack, mostly for the first time, fear they are having a heart attack or a nervous breakdown. Experiencing a panic attack has been said to be one of the most intensely frightening, upsetting and uncomfortable experiences of a person's life. ~Wikipedia 

If you or someone you know suffers from this shitty disorder, I've found tons of help.
If you found a site, please feel free to leave it.  I love bloggers.  We're real when talking about it.  We can help out each other and sometimes understand like our loved ones can't.  

http://www.adaa.org/
http://www.causesofpanicattacks.org/
http://anxietypanicattacksblog.com
http://www.ontheverge6.com/
http://panicanddepression.blogspot.com/
http://anxiousnomore.blogspot.com/

Kids are in Public School :(

Well, I did it.  I really did it....Things were getting to hard to handle.  Not just with the schooling but with life.  A hard choice had to be made.  And I made the choice to put the kids back into public school.  And now....

Now I regret it.  I hate that I have a house not filled with laughing, goofiness and silliness.  I miss it.  I hate asking them, "so what did you learn today" Because I have no idea!!  None.

I have no control over the lesson plan, I have no control over the hours for Anthony who needs extra breaks for his attention.  I feel like I threw them to the lions den.  Because I know its just a matter of time before the calls start.

I just felt so lost and helpless this year.  It started out completely new and different with the way the online part of school was.  And we fumbled and fumbled and tried.  But, it just got the best of me I guess.

Being behind put stress on me, which put a kink in my patience, which put an attitude in the kids.  I felt like we'd never catch up.  Or catch my breath.

Here's the funny thing though.  All my kids are at at least 80% in their level, ok.  The standards for our schooling is not what it is in their current public school.  You need a 60% and you're left alone and considered fine. What eva!  My youngest came home from school today and I asked "what did you learn in school today".....  "My teacher said the 'Earth is like a basketball'....."

Uhmmmm OK.....

And....

"And thats it."

Well, you know the Earth is round.

"Yea, but the other kids didn't."

OK.  So my 1st graders class is just now learning that the Earth is round...  Isn't there something wrong with that?  Where I left off with him is the capitals of countries!  He knew all the continents by name and site by the end of Kinder!

UGH!!!  I could just scream!  My older son, Anthony{my 6th grader}, the one that was having trouble ALL THE TIME... yea well, now he's really going to get into trouble, because he says he's bored in class.  I checked his homework, and OMG, this is stuff Im was teaching Cody {my 4th grader.}.

I'm so regretting my decision.  But, I needed need a bit of a break.  Home schooling 4 kids with things the way they were was not healthy for any of us.  So for now, I must keep my mouth shut, smile and nod at this whole situation.

On the bright side my house has never been cleaner!  Well, until they come home.

Finding Balance

There's something that's easily said rather than done. Especially when your day is consumed by teaching a first grader, while helping a 4th grader, encouraging your 6th grader and entertaining a very active preschooler who loves to hide, get into things she is never suppose to, make loud and sudden noises when its study time....Oh how that list could go on.

From the moment I wake up (sometimes even before my coffee) I'm going. Till the wee morning hours. Oh yea, I also took on product reviewing as a hobby....The thought of it was awesome, free stuff for my opinion and getting the word out about their company. I just didn't think about the testing out, organizing, coordinating, blog hopping, socializing aspect. So most my writing and info gathering and tweaking is done at 12am on til it's completed.

But I love writing and trying out new things, especially sharing it with everyone I know. So I won't be giving that up anytime soon. Just need to find a way to fit my marriage back in LOL. It seems my day is taken with the kids, my nites are taken by blogging and Hubs comes home at 3 or 4am(works graveyard) and he gets about half an hour of quality me and the rest is me desperately trying to stay conscious, knowing I have to be up in a few hours to do it all over again.

So his days off are such an enjoyment. Sure wish I had one! LOL We try and make the most of our time... But sweet Lord, these kids have to be right behind you every second of the day...Every!  Getting creative is one thing were going to have to turn into friggin magicians! 

I feel maybe when I do find that prefect balance and everything is as it should be, and I get up with the sun and go down with it, I'll be too old.

Anxious on Discovery Health

I just finished watching Anxious on Disc Health....... wow. Its sad to see such a mirror vision of yourself and how others are affected by it. Another reason I'm thankful to have such an incredible support system. Without Hubby pushing me past "my limits", my safe zone would still be my property and nothing more. My day would be filled with the fear of a returning attack or the attack itself. Followed by tears and finally sleep.

Hearing the stories on TV brought back so many memories of what I went through, and in some cases are still going through. Like the prep before leaving the house. I needed at least a couple of hours notice. I couldn't just zoom out the door. If I was rushed I'd have an attack. I had to take a paper bag just in case I started to feel my hands or lips go numb, hyperventilating... lovely. I needed water just in case I got nausea from nerves. My super chill pills, aka lorazapam. Then that was just the start of the trip. From my house to town is about 15 miles. But it might as well be a far as the moon. Nothing but desert for the first 5, a fire house and a couple of convenience stores. I would mentally map out my stops just in case. Where I could go if I started to get that feeling. Nothing like pulling over on the side of the road and needing to "walk it off" in front of your kids. What they must think of crazy ole Mom. Now I'm, for the most part, able to go anywhere.  I still need my pills, I never leave home without them.  I even drove to the lake...... in the dark.... by myself!!!  Well, Hubby was driving the truck right in front of me, but still!    I went camping and all without needing a pill.  Huge huge steps for me.  Considering its only been a year.  It was our first time out that far too. 

But like I said little by little push by push, its gotten a lot better. I still have them, just not daily. I still have no idea why they come on or what triggers them.  I could be in church, at home, a store or driving.  No rhyme no reason. 

Also, I've been hanging on to the same last 7 pills for the last few months.*applause*... I work through most all my attacks now. Pill- free. Either by breathing, walking, training my focus on something else or a combo of them.   It is in no way easy. No way! It takes a lot.  But what can you do.  You have to get your life back. You have to get you back.  But most importantly you have to get your kids mom back.  When I feel like I have nothing more to give, I have to find it somewhere inside.   Sort of like labor.....you know when the Dr. says, " I see the head!!  Big push now!"  And your thinking,  "look man Ive been giving you big pushes for the last 15 hours!!  Leave me alone!!  I can't do it anymore!"  But you reach beyond anything you thought you had and pop that sucker out lickity split.  Yea like that. 

Panic attacks are hard to describe and even harder for an outsider to believe and understand.. A feeling of shear fear, helplessness and hopelessness. Your world is minimized to practically nothing. A once outgoing, bubbly social person becomes quiet and alone.  It steals your very essence... What makes you  you is suddenly gone.  And you have no idea how to get it back.

Follow Me Friday and Follow Friday

Still painting.....  STILLLL!!  Funny how this started out to be just the kids rooms...  Give Hubby paint and a spray gun and he will be busy for days!  We've gone through about 8 of those 5 gal buckets.  Its been time consuming. *I told you I had a good reason for not blogging lately☺*

I'm no artist but I love drawing cartoons and things for the kids. I tried to paint this outerspace picture for my youngest son and well...

*Click on any picture to enlarge*

I've been told it looks like *ahem* well you can see... So I'm going to be redoing this rocket..  I laughed so hard when i was told first by my oldest son, then Hubby....then my sister...then my mom and dad. ( All without hearing it from each other)  I just couldn't see it until they did.  Now it's all I see. LOL.


Thankfully Caitlins room went a little better

But when I stepped back I thought hmm.... Should of went with purses and ribbons. But I love the butterflies and flowers just the same.

The school room came out great.

It was egg shell and now its white. Wow how things pop off the wall now!! Everything looked dirty in comparison. *lol*.

All 4 kids have their rooms painted, hallway and school room too, now onto our kitchen tomorrow. We did all the moving of appliances today and that was work! *For Hubby* Two fridges, a freezer that's bigger than the fridges and the stove.... Thank goodness for men!

Bathrooms, sewing room and our room will be coming.... just hopefully not so soon.

♥*~Thanks for visiting!!  Happy FF!!~*♥   

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Getting To Know You

I always love these kinda posts. It's a chance for us all to get to know each other a little better.  Let me a comment if you decide to do this I'd love to see your answers! I found this one on Shhhh Mommas Writing Blog.  A great new find I encourage all to go have a looksy.


1. Waffles, pancakes or french toast?

Pancakes, Homemade not boxed. Fluffy.  A big stack of flap jacks please♥

2. Dream home..What would it look like?

A small farm.  An older farm house with the white weathered porch with a porch swing.  Two rocking chairs (pointed to the west)   A big red barn and windmill. :)

3. Favorite sport to watch during the Winter Olympics?

Have no clue.  Don't watch it really.

4. The first word that comes to mind when describing yourself?

Beauty Queen Ham.  Or jackass smartass.  Either one.
5. Dresses, pants (jeans, leggings, etc.) or skirts?

T-Shirt and jeans kinda gal. 
6. What is your favorite time of day?

Early morning, just before the sun comes up.  Hubby and me with a cup of coffee and talking as the sun comes up. Best part of life.

7. Beach or Mountains..which do you prefer?

Mountains

8.Will you watch the Super Bowl?

abso-friggin- notly.  Just don't have the time.  It'll be on somewhere in this house I just won't be planted to the chair. 

Do Ya Like The New Digs?

I've been a bad blogger lately.  I know I know.  We all have those "slumps" where you just either don't have the time to post or really have nothing worthy of a post.  My reason was a little of both.  Between working, home schooling and everything else a wife, mother and woman has to do, my days were spent!  I thought of calling it quits on the blogging.  But then I realize it's my only me time!  And boy did I miss it!

My time that I can shut out my chores and kids and focus on whats bothering me, troubling or just the opposite.  I need this blog.  So to get me back into the spirit of things I revamped my blog!   It really got my bloggy- mojo going!  I'm please with what its become.  I worked really hard on it and I think it's a little more pleasing to the eye and easier to get around.  I love finding the neat little tools and steps for the DIY blogger.  Theres so much if your willing to search and tweak. One day I'll get into school like I planned and learn even more.  Web design is still a passion! 

I've been busy with the redesign but I have managed to catch up with a few of my favorite bloggy buddies. (I'm not done yet♥) I spent most yesterday and today just cruising the blogosphere and reading.  I must say it was nice.  A cup of coffee in one hand, the mouse in the other, snack on the desk, feet up.  I laughed, I cried and I commented.  You all were exactly what I needed!  Thank you.

Anyway,  I'm back and I'm ready so watch out!  Who knows what I'll say this year! But I do promise more details, pictures and hope for the wanna-be homesteaders like me.

In The Raw

So this is where it gets raw. I've been juggling this anxiety problem for the last 5 months. I don't know how it started or what brought it on. Or even how to control it. Working lessens it. But it's also contributed to it. The pills help, but are also addictive. Meditation and breathing helps, but it's hard to meditate in the grocery store. I was told that I should journal, but I can't even find the time to blog, which is my journal.

At first, I was told the uneasiness I feel in big groups, social outings, public places and even family BBQ's was social anxiety. But who doesn't get kinda uneasy around people before you start to "loosen up"? I love being out, shopping, hanging out and just living. Now, I no longer do them.. At least not like it was. Now I need my "super pills" with me or I don't make it out my door. That's agoraphobic right. SO now we have social phobia, agoraphobia.... and...

Apparently also because of that first panic attack where I hyperventilated and rushed to the hospital like a dumb a**..... I have a panic phobia...Afraid of having another panic attack... Which I've had countless times in the beginning, trying to figure out WTF was wrong. Even went to a cardiologist..Yup... Getting the idea..

So it's been a while I've been on track only here and there panics. Not daily anymore thank goodness. I'm getting out the door easier and once I even FORGOT my emergency pills!!! 30 miles from home and I was fine!

Hubby and I went to help move a truck for my Dad. It's a beat up old Ford. Didn't run, had to put tires on it to push. You know the kind, why do men keep this things? They needed someone to steer it while they aligned it up to the trailer. I was the lucky one. I hopped right in to this truck that hadn't moved in years!! Slammed the door and steered. Well, I steered wrong and I was pressed up against some debris by my door. Meanwhile, Wyatt the lil' man he is is playing with the stick shift making vroom vroom noises. We wait... All this junk inside the truck is preventing me from seeing out the other window. I was fine though.. Just helping out. I got kinda hot and tired of waiting to see the guys next move so I thought I'd jump out and see what the hold up was....

The door doesn't open from the inside.. Great, old truck why would it? So I go to roll the window down....Nope... Doesn't work.. Hmmm.. I look around no way out... Except to jump the mountain of junk on the other side that's piled up. .. Could I even fit I'm thinking? Wyatts still oblivious to Mommas panic. I thought I'll break the window.... I'll just pay Dad back, at least I'd be out.. My heart starts racing, my pills are inside on top of the china cabinet! What to do!! I'm seriously in panic at this point... I see my Dad and he asks, "The door won't open?" I shook my head no, I felt like screaming HELP ME DADDY!!! But I couldn't speak. My son's there with me and I don't want to freak him out.... But I just can't take it anymore! I toss him aside, squeeze my ass over the mountain and pray the other handle works!

It did.. and I'm free!!

So now to catch you up that's, social, open spaces, panic and claustrophobia! Seriously this sh** is really pissing me off. Why is my only question? Why can't it be like it was, carefree and fun pill-free? Hubby and I use to love just up and leaving whenever where ever our hearts desire. Now I have to worry about pills and paper bags.

Need Advice! Help Please

So I went back to work as you all know. (Sorry for not having the time to post as often as I'd like... I have a lot to tell you all but just not the time to write it. There's not enought time in the day for working homeschooling and taking care of a home. But you know how that is.)

Here's my question.... I haven't changed my look in, well to tell you the truth, since ever! I've ALWAYS had long brown-black hair. Always! I try to change it a little. Up or down....Ponytail, bun, straightened, natural and loose...Thats the extent of my changing it. LOL. Being a busy mom I hardly have time to mess with it anyway.

But now that I'm working I want to try something new and different. So I went to this website that lets you download your picture and have a virtual makeover.. Mary-Kay. I love Mary Kay. You can try on makeup and pack your own compact to buy.

New School Year

The kids have been back to school for almost a month now. I'll tell you, last year we were cramped into the smallest room in the house. Which I don't really think its a "room" I think it was just extra space the builder decided to close up slap a window in and call a room. But this year I turned a bedroom into the school room and bunked up a couple kids. So much better now. One of the families I visit does home school too and she has her dinning room converted into a mini classroom. So that gave me the idea. All day I spend with her kids doing home school and its just so much easier. Having the space to move around and have everything not an arms length away really makes a difference.

So Tuesday I started my quest to turn a bedroom into a classroom for all the kids. I figured I'd started both my 3 and 4yr olds out in Kinder together, and make it to where the older ones could enjoy it too. I put in shelves for all the books and supplies. Hung up some home made alphabet signs, which the older boys helped with, complete with picture, capital and lower case letters. We used construction paper for that. Of course we had to do classroom rules on poster board. Tacked up the world map, hung the globe, the corkboard and top it off with a flag. But my favorite has to be the table. I used some index cards as name placecards so they know where their assigned seat is and covered them with clear packaging heavy duty tape. So the little ones could use their dry erase markers to practice writing their name. That got me to thinking about making the whole table writable. So I taped down a clear white paper as their white board, their numbers, alphabet, and practice sheets from an old workbook. Now they have a huge dry erase activity center on the desk! SO neato!

We even have a class pet compliments of Anthony. He caught a cricket and put it in one of his tanks. We named our school mascot the "Hoppers". So cute, the kids really got involved and excited with this change. We held our first class in our new room yesterday. It was a huge success. The little ones learned the letter A and its sound, and got to color an alligator and put it on a Popsicle stick. In history we learned about the Wright Bros and they made their own plane. So all went well.

As for the old room, I'm thinking of turning it into my sewing room. It would be the perfect size for that, and it has such great light. My poor sewing machine has no home, its constantly moving around to the next available spot. With the season almost changing (ALREADY!) I have to get started on their warmer clothes. Maybe this year I'll be able to do their costumes early for Halloween! Maybe, but I'm such a procrastinator.

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!

I won my first giveaway!!! Woo Hoo!! Thank you to Sandi from Pregnant With Cancer and Nothings Off Limits!
I'm so excited and can't wait to see what I won. Yeehaw!

Thank you Sandi and Eden Fantasys!! What a fun giveaway Sandi had. *LOL*

Schools Gonna Have To Wait

I haven't posted posted anything for awhile, sorry. But I've tried to make you giggle a little while I was gone. I've been trying to figure out if I should go ahead with the school or get a job..... Things are getting a little outta our price range now. LOL So I opted for the job.

When Hubby came off the road to drive locally we had no idea what a cut in pay it would be.. Try 40k less!! Yea, and since our bills didn't go down any, I bit the bullet and got a job!

I was really nervous with the anxiety being a problem. But (knock on wood) it's been great! I don't know how to explain it but the first day of meeting everyone it was such a different feeling of "normal" nervousness vs the panicking I've been feeling. That was a great change. When before I could leave my driveway without the necessary pills, paper bag and water. I made it clear across town an hour drive... perfectly fine (again knock on wood).

So this is my new job, I know your just dying to know. Aren't you? Well I'm telling you anyways. I'll be doing Respite Care for children with disabilities. If you don't know what that is, cause I didn't, I'll tell ya. Respite Care is In-Home Care for adults/kids who are being taking care of at home as opposed to a hospital or rehab. I give the main caregivers a break. In my case the parents. They may need to go shopping, pay bills, run errands, or just need a break. So, I go and almost like babysit. I guess, is how I see it.

I'm doing all my certifications this week and next week I get to go meet the families. I already know a little about them and their disabilities so I've been searching the Internet to learn more on it. One little guy is 5 and has autism and then there's a brother and sister that have decreased muscle tone. I wanted to find some things on the Internet to prepare myself and my activities I'll plan to do with them. I'm putting together a "project box". Things we can make together. I'd hate to bore them LOL. But I won't know their capabilities/ restrictions until next week. Until then I'm just planning away in my head.

I'm so excited this is my first 'outta the house' job in years! I better change my "SAHM"♥

Knocked Out

Well, like I said in one of my last posts I wasn't feeling well. I went to the doctors and found out that on top of the vertigo I was having anxiety attacks?? Those were/ are horrible! They gave me some meds for it but all they do is knock me out. Then I'm too groggy to really do anything. Today was day one of not using them. I had an anxiety attack still but this time I only took 1/2 the pill. That seemed to work. Plus I distracted myself by talking to Mom on the phone. Phew... I've tried dropping and reading a few blogs, but until I can get this "thing" under control, I guess my posts maybe a little gaped. Sorry.

I wanted to do a little research on anxiety and find out why outta nowhere I get these episodes. All the Dr. said was "sometimes they just happen". I really hate taking anything stronger than aspirin, so maybe I can find something I can do. So far, I try to calm myself but all that happens is I freak out even more. But with the Valium nooottthhhiinnggg bothers me. LOL.

Been Sick Sorry

Sorry for no posts...I've been so sick this last week. And it really hit hard the last couple of days.

I was told "oh it's just vertigo" by the dr's but OMG it really interrupts your life! Constantly dizzy. It makes it so hard to do anything. They gave me sea sickness meds and they don't help at all. Sleeping or lying down doesn't help either. My world is always spinning. UGH!

I made another appointment because I don't think it's "just vertigo" like they say. I don't think it should last a week. So, hopefully Monday I'll better understand this.

Well, yesterday I tried sewing something to take my mind off things. I had some pants I cut into shorts and I really didn't want to just toss the scraps. The pants were practically new. So with that and some left over material I made Caitie a new shirt. Its so cute.....







The faux pockets are my favorite!! It sort of makes it more girly. (They look crooked but they aren't. Its the way its hanging.) I tried to get her to wear it while I took the picture but she wasn't having that. She's a bit grumpy this morning. I don't feel like fighting her so the hanger wore it instead.

I have so many clothes that are too small for the kids but still in good condition, it's ashame to toss them out. And sometimes the kids don't want the hand me downs. So heres a good way to make something new using old stuff. Plus it doesn't cost you a dime!

Chicken This... Chicken That

*Posted Pics Of Some Of My ♥Chickens♥ At The Bottom Of The Page*

Obviously we eat a lot of chicken around here. And with trying to cut down on our spending, plus useless plastic bottles that will just fill up the landfills, I try to do as much from scratch as I can.

That includes my sauces. You can buy a bottle of BBQ sauce for as cheap as a buck, true. But do you know how long that bottle will stay in our landfills? Almost 700 years!! Wow! How many different bottles do you go through a year? We would go through a lot!! So.... Why not make it and save it in a mason jar. Then keep washing that jar.♥

Here is one of my favorite sauces to use with chicken and its simple!


Teriyaki Sauce:


Before hand:
Mash up fresh pineapple save all the juice n bits. Set aside.

1 1/12c soy sauce
2 1/2t freshly minced garlic
1t ginger
1c brown sugar
1/2c sherry

Place this all in a sauce pan on low heat. Stir constantly so sugar won't burn.
Once it's all nice and mixed with sugar dissolved add in the pineapple juice n bits...Stir some more. About 5 min. *Let it cool*. Pour it over chicken in a casserole dish and cover. Let sit in the fridge over night! Yum!


The trick is to buy items you can make a lot of things from. Then, buy in bulk. It can actually save you quite a bit of money in the long run. One sauce I can not for the life of me master is catsup. I use so much of it. In my BBQ sauces, in my "secret" potato skins dip, on the kids tater wedges. I would love to find a recipe for that!! That tasted good I should add. Cause I've found some out there and ahem... not so yummy!

Where The Hell Did You Come From?

And what the hell happened to you two???

Yes, it's gonna be one of those posts.

Every girl over the age of 30, I'd say, knows damn well you don't go starring straight into a mirror first thing in the morning! You just don't. Morning light plus just waking up equals a bad start. Theres a certain regimine you must follow!

You find things you never seen before.... some things have moved! Its just all around a bad idea!

So what the H-E-Double sippy straws was I thinking this morning?

It always starts out harmless enough. You glance up... but your eyes lock on to something. That makes you curious. So you start purposely searching for more.....Before you know it, it's been a hour, people are wondering what happened to you and your on the floor in the bathroom, in a ball, sobbing "where did it all go wrong".....

Ok maybe not that dramatic. But it really brings your morning pep down! When I say pep I mean coffee buzz.

I won't gross you out with my findings, but lets just say purdy just don't happen anymore.

I guess chin hairs are next! WooHoo!

I'm Just A Girl

I was the girl who always had a ton of stickers on her stuff. The more the glitter all the better! I stumbled upon a website that can turn my regular photos into cutesy pics. (Blingee. ) I seriously need a 12 step program here!

Now if your one of my myspace friends, you know all too well of this obsession.

Blingee has cool backgrounds for the photos, glitter, animation, props, and even contests! You should see some these that are entered. Artistic! My designs more for fun and laughs than anything.

They are great for a more fun type of scrapblogging or just print them out and you have cute wall hangers for the kids room!

Heres a few:

Scoot Over Boys Momma Going To School!

I have decided to go back to school! I've tried this before and well, I have nothing to show for it. But this time I think will be different, hopefully. No, I know it will be. You know how I know?? I'm not in my 20's. *sad face*

First time I wanted to go I didn't because:

I wanted to go to the U of A for journalism but, I got married right out of high school to my 2 yr long boyfriend. (He was a couple grades higher than me). We had gone out for about half my Soph yr when he graduated and went off to be in the military. We wrote a lot and he came down quite a bit. But it wasn't a real relationship ( I now understand). Don't know why we got married really... Seemed like a good idea at the time. It wasn't even a real wedding, its was like I was knocked up or running away! We had in the court house in jeans. No parents, though mine did have to give permission since I was a minor. Nor a real marriage, he was always gone... 4days away on duty 2 days home. (Mind you this was in a different state I knew no one) When he finished his life as a Marine he finished me too. We were divorced.... Lets just call this reason stupidity.

Second time:

I just had my oldest Anthony, I had dreams of becoming a Pharmacist... Not sure why, money I guess. I got a year in and found out I was pregnant again! They're 16 months apart. It was just too hard juggling that.

Third time:

Boys were a little older and I really wanted my "Accounting career" to get started. Yes I changed my mind. Again. First day of class I get in a car accident, bad omen. That whole year seemed like I was constantly struggling just to get to school. Or to have the time to study.

I am very fortunate in that I haven't had to work those years. I have worked, just for "fun" though. Staying home all day long sometimes you need a little break. But Hubbys work comes first, and the kids are my priority. I've even gotten fired for that. But I move on.
Ooo I should make a post on all the off the wall jobs I've done.....Hmmm...

Anyway, I'm very excited this time. The kids are growing up so fast and need me a little less so I think it's great timing. I will be doing it online of course. Like I said my family is my priority and I can't be running off everyday. This house would fall apart! Or I'd like to think so anyway. Its a three day week which is good. I'm thinking web design since I'm soo fascinated with it.... I just filled out my application to the school so theres step one. Woo Hoo!

I've Hit The Big Time!

St Patricks Day Comments

Create Fake Magazine Covers with your own picture at MeOnMag.com

Ok what gave it away?? The "Seventeen" thing.. I knew I should went with Playboy, much more believable right?! Wait, why are you laughing? Ok stop laughing....

Well, anyway, I found this fake magazine cover generator and I thought I'd give it a whirl. It's the middle child in me needing attention I think.

I Get Knocked Down... But I Get Up Again.....

Just like the song goes, "nothings gonna keep me down!" So this is what happened....

We had opened up the pass through from the goats to the pigs areas because we thought it looked like they missed each other. We separated Dora from her bffs to kid and now she spends her days leaned up against the fence with Big Willy and Big Mama on the other side laying next to the fence. So we opened the pass through and all went great! Boots happily and curiously went up to Big Mama, who doesn't do much but lay around, and jumps on her back. It was the cutest thing. He was playing "King of the Mountain". Big Mama didn't mind. Big Willy went to Dora smelled her and the walked around for a lil while.

Everything was going nice and easy. That is until I decided to grab her to milk. I'm not sure if it had anything to do with Willy roaming around with Boots or she was just not having it. But I had her by her horns, squatted down to talk to so I could lead her to be milked. Just as I squatted she lunged forward and threw me back. I let go of one horn to catch myself and as I was down on the ground this lil bugger tried to head butt me!! Luckily I still had the one horn pretty good so she didn't get to. Then Hubby jumps the fence, runs over and grabs her so I could get up. He tilts her head back, shows who's the boss and lets her go.

During all this I just couldn't believe the force of her. I was shocked cause I'm no lil lady. Well, I didn't get milk that day but I shall try again! Next time I'll do it before we open the pass through. If she continues to be just stubborn, then I guess we'll just have to take her down when we take our pig in to be butchered. Not sure on that yet. But I see no reason keeping her if she doesn't have a purpose. Too expensive. She may just continue to be aggressive since she has a kid to protect.