In The Raw

So this is where it gets raw. I've been juggling this anxiety problem for the last 5 months. I don't know how it started or what brought it on. Or even how to control it. Working lessens it. But it's also contributed to it. The pills help, but are also addictive. Meditation and breathing helps, but it's hard to meditate in the grocery store. I was told that I should journal, but I can't even find the time to blog, which is my journal.

At first, I was told the uneasiness I feel in big groups, social outings, public places and even family BBQ's was social anxiety. But who doesn't get kinda uneasy around people before you start to "loosen up"? I love being out, shopping, hanging out and just living. Now, I no longer do them.. At least not like it was. Now I need my "super pills" with me or I don't make it out my door. That's agoraphobic right. SO now we have social phobia, agoraphobia.... and...

Apparently also because of that first panic attack where I hyperventilated and rushed to the hospital like a dumb a**..... I have a panic phobia...Afraid of having another panic attack... Which I've had countless times in the beginning, trying to figure out WTF was wrong. Even went to a cardiologist..Yup... Getting the idea..

So it's been a while I've been on track only here and there panics. Not daily anymore thank goodness. I'm getting out the door easier and once I even FORGOT my emergency pills!!! 30 miles from home and I was fine!

Hubby and I went to help move a truck for my Dad. It's a beat up old Ford. Didn't run, had to put tires on it to push. You know the kind, why do men keep this things? They needed someone to steer it while they aligned it up to the trailer. I was the lucky one. I hopped right in to this truck that hadn't moved in years!! Slammed the door and steered. Well, I steered wrong and I was pressed up against some debris by my door. Meanwhile, Wyatt the lil' man he is is playing with the stick shift making vroom vroom noises. We wait... All this junk inside the truck is preventing me from seeing out the other window. I was fine though.. Just helping out. I got kinda hot and tired of waiting to see the guys next move so I thought I'd jump out and see what the hold up was....

The door doesn't open from the inside.. Great, old truck why would it? So I go to roll the window down....Nope... Doesn't work.. Hmmm.. I look around no way out... Except to jump the mountain of junk on the other side that's piled up. .. Could I even fit I'm thinking? Wyatts still oblivious to Mommas panic. I thought I'll break the window.... I'll just pay Dad back, at least I'd be out.. My heart starts racing, my pills are inside on top of the china cabinet! What to do!! I'm seriously in panic at this point... I see my Dad and he asks, "The door won't open?" I shook my head no, I felt like screaming HELP ME DADDY!!! But I couldn't speak. My son's there with me and I don't want to freak him out.... But I just can't take it anymore! I toss him aside, squeeze my ass over the mountain and pray the other handle works!

It did.. and I'm free!!

So now to catch you up that's, social, open spaces, panic and claustrophobia! Seriously this sh** is really pissing me off. Why is my only question? Why can't it be like it was, carefree and fun pill-free? Hubby and I use to love just up and leaving whenever where ever our hearts desire. Now I have to worry about pills and paper bags.

2012 The Movie

John Cusack, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Amanda Peet, Oliver Platt, Thandie Newton, Danny Glover and Woody Harrelson
Rated: PG-13
Opens: November 13, 2009
To see Trailer: LINK

What is 2012? According to Astronomers on the winter solstice in 2012 the sun will be aligned with the center of the Milky Way for the first time in about 26,000 years!! Which would mean that energy will be disrupted on 12/21/12......

Whether you believe the Mayans were on to something with it being the last day...Or a more biblical thinkng of it being the start of 1000 years of Hell on Earth or your just into the whole World blowing up thing, this movie looks to me like it will pay off.

I'm not real sure if I "believe" in an end to our World, it's kinda difficult to see that. But the Earth has "started over" before and thats what gets me. If it were to happen all I can say is get straight with the Lord. ♥

Choosing Your Infant Formula..What You Need To Know

I am a huge advocate of breastfeeding... when your able. But there were circumstances with some of my children that made it impossible to do so...

With Anthony, my oldest, I had to go back to work after only 3 months. I did pump, but being so busy, sometimes it just wasn't enough, sometimes I just didn't have the time. I'd pump on my breaks, rush home during lunch, in the middle of the night, basically if he wasn't eating I was pumping. After a few months of that I just gave in. With Caitlin, my youngest, I had to be put on medication due to the fact that after the epidural I had a leak of spinal fluid.

Apart from those situations, I've also had to supplement my own milk with powder. Wyatt, the youngest boy, was always hungry. I could sit for an hour with him and just when I thought he'd be done...he wanted more. This would be just about every other hour. He still my biggest eater.

When your not able to give your baby the breast, at least for me, it's heart breaking. Then your worried...are they really getting all they need out of this powder? How do I know what to choose. Is name-brand better than your favorite store brand formula?

Did you know that all infant formulas must be regulated by the FDA? That all are nutritionally equivalent?? That means the store brand formula, that is considerable less, and the name brand are exactly alike nutritionally! You could save a considerable amount of money over the duration of twelve months! We need that savings now more than ever! Especially young families starting out.

Also, a new WIC (Women's, Infants, and Children Program) initiative has begun as of October 1, 2009. It's aimed at increasing breastfeeding rates among families. It is reallocating it's funding for all currently provided foods including infant formula. Which is to say mothers on this program may have to start paying for their own infant formula.

There are so many reasons a mother may not be able to nurse. Health, time, situations. It's relieving to know there are safe alternatives.


It's Alive!!!

Yes, I'm still alive! I have so many things happening right now. From the home and family to working and the HOLIDAYS!! Woo hoo!!

One of my favorite Holidays is coming up and I'm just so excited. I love Halloween for so many reasons. I love the scariness and dressing up the kids, but crafts are my thing baby! Even though I'm not home all the time any more, I have to make time for the kids and their school. I found some great websites that I could use as lessons plans about Halloween. My favorite comes from It had a great Astronomy Lesson in it that was easy for all the kids to get involved with. (Ages 3-9) It had the history of Halloween in it and the mythology. Also, constellations visible on Halloween. They go over a little of solstices and equinoxes and how they relate to the seasons. All around great idea for a lesson.

We also got into the decoration making as part of Art. We made everything by hand. Banners, pictures, creepy crawlies and ghosts. All you really need are construction paper, markers, paints, crayons, glue, newspapers, cotton balls, cardboard boxes (cut up)and plastic bags... Very cheap but also very memorable. Stick the name and date on the back and you have life long treasures you can pull out every year and add to it.

On my days off we've been having "Halloween decorating parties" Little by little its come together. Our house is almost "Spooktacular". I couldn't help saying that. This coming week were going to begin the baking part of decorating. That'll be Art, Science and Math! I love it when I can bunch up lessons like that! I have some fun stuff I'm just dying to do! I really hope my camera doesn't poop out on me. I've been trying to charge it. I really want to share with everyone.

My favorite baking tricks:

Oreo cookies(without center) crumbled- as dirt

Nutter butter cookies dipped in white chocolate (dyed grey)- tombstones

Plastic bat, spider rings to press into cakes

Gummy worms

I'll be adding more as the days go on..

I'd love to hear your tricks if you got any comment them for all of us to hear♥

Thanks to all who stuck with me as I've begun juggling the work with everything else.♥