Hello Anxiety... It's Me Again!

So, I've been doing pretty well with this ride from hell I'm on AKA my Anxiety/Panic disorder.  I'm doing the yoga & breathing.  I'm off all the meds still.  And when I do have that "feeling" coming on, I nip it in the bud before it gets any further.  Walking helps.  Just going for a walk around my property watching the sunset or whatever.

But there is that rare instance......  I had one just the other day.

Hubby and I took Caitlin with us to Home Depot for some part he needed for the RV sink.  I was feeling uneasy the whole ride.  But it happens a lot.  So I kinda fade into the music.  When we got there Hubby just wanted to run in real quick.  I was fine with it since I was still a little funky feeling.  Caitlin wanted to go, but we figured he'd be faster without her.  She was NOT happy!  And when she's not happy, NO ONE is.  She has the worlds worst tantrums! 

So, I was sitting in the Home Dept parking lot, 30 miles from home {AKA the comfort zone when I have these}, just me and Caitlin.  Her screaming and kicking. Then boom, I was having a huge panic attack.  Chest tightening and pain, fingers tingling, nausea, my world's spinning.  And all she could do was scream about not being able to get down.  Hugest tantrum at the worst time ever.  

I had my lorazapam on me, but I knew if I took it it wouldn't be me getting through it, it would be the friggin' pill.  And I really don't want to start that bullshit again.  Being dependent on that crap is horrible!  I know this next part is totally weird and dorky, but it works..sometimes.  I started telling myself "my brain tells my body I'm OK"   I repeated it, I hear my daughter repeating it... I stopped hyperventilating, my chest pains went away and I was starting to feel better. 

This FUCKING SUCKS!!!  My body can fix almost anything wrong.  But I can not fix this.  It will always be.  Always.  I will forever have this stupid stupid really stupid disorder!  What hurts me the most is my daughter saw this.  AND!! she thinks its normal!  My brain fails me.

The effects of a panic attack vary. Some, notably first-time sufferers, may call for emergency services. Many who experience a panic attack, mostly for the first time, fear they are having a heart attack or a nervous breakdown. Experiencing a panic attack has been said to be one of the most intensely frightening, upsetting and uncomfortable experiences of a person's life. ~Wikipedia 

If you or someone you know suffers from this shitty disorder, I've found tons of help.
If you found a site, please feel free to leave it.  I love bloggers.  We're real when talking about it.  We can help out each other and sometimes understand like our loved ones can't.  


13 Sweet Comments:

jamfiescreations1 said...

Oh goodness, I am so sorry you suffer from this disorder...I too suffer from the same thing, plus Bipolar II. I am on stupid medicine because I get episodes almost every day. I am happy to hear that you are able to control them, I really wish I was that strong. I am attending Anxiety/Panic and Bipolar Meetings, it is very interesting, it helps you realize what exactly these diseaces are. Thanks for the links, I will definetly check them out.

Unknown said...

I don't think I could handle bipolar tossed into my crazy. This is about all I could handle. I have a clinic in town that meets every week. I've never attended, yet I should say. I just might. Anything that can help, I'm all in!

Marni's Organized Mess said...

I totally understand this pain. This linkage is wonderful. I enjoy your blogs. I follow you on Twitter, and now I m following via GFC!

Drop by and say hello sometime! I'd love the follow back. : )

I'm working on a goal of 500 friends on Facebook this week. Will you come "like" me?

Concerned American Citizen said...

I know it is so hard to suffer through those and sometimes you get them for no apparent reason. I get them too, just not as bad as yours you poor girl. Goodluck, keep on working with it. :)
Following back now, have a great week.

Tony McGurk said...

I'm 50 & started getting panic attacks about 10 years ago. As you say the 1st time for me I thought it was a heart attack coming on. Crowds freak me out as do other things but at times I get them for no obvious reason. I went off the pills one time & was ok for about 6 months till I was in a car accident & it all started up again. I take daily Lexapro plus I have Xanax on hand for if I need them which isn't often as I prefer to try & handle it. Plus the Xanax turns me zombiefied & I need to go to sleep.

Tony McGurk said...

P.S. I clicked the Panic Button to see what would happen but I only got a bigger picture of the panic button.

Amanda K. said...

Dropping by via BloggyMoms :)

I certainly feel your pain... I'm 33 and started getting panic attacks about 8 years ago when I found myself hyperventilating in the middle of the cookware aisle at Walmart. Too many people, getting bumped into and having to zig zag my way through the store is what did it. I only realized this, however, after several more instances of feeling like I was losing my mind in a public place. Today, I try as best I can to avoid overly busy stores and spaces... so yeah, I do my Christmas shopping a month early! At the end the day, no matter what causes them - panic attacks and anxiety are scary business. Sending positive vibes and the strength to keep on coping! <3

Beth in NC said...

Oh, I can relate. I suffered with panic attacks for YEARS. It was pure torture and hell. Nobody can understand unless they have been there. I shared part of my testimony under the "about me" section of my blog. (((hugs)))

Please contact me if you ever need an ear. I've been there and done that.

I found you while searching for "chicken" blogs. Ha.

Bless you!


Beth in NC said...

Oh, and this is how I overcame. I used scriptures as my sword. http://mydestinysharinghope.com/please-read-and-share-with-others

You may not be interested, but this is what I learned on that very long journey.


Unknown said...

Hi. I found you on Follow Me (Bloggy Moms). I think all too many of us suffer from the sheer pressure of trying to be all and do all. While panic attacks aren't a common symptom I have, I do suffer from serious anxiety and get TOTALLY overwhelmed on a regular basis. I'm really glad I found your blog...and I like that you're a plain talker like me. ;-) Stop over and say hi if you have a minute. www.earth2body.net or http://mylifeaslucille.blogspot.com. Nice to meet you!

Charlote said...

I also suffer from anxiety so I can totally relate to what you are going through. I found ways to cope with my anxiety from http://onlineceucredit.com/edu/social-work-ceus-ax. I found a lot of helpful advice from the site so I hope it helps others.

Unknown said...

Hi, I've only just found your site while looking for something else, but I saw this post and thought I would leave a comment. I used to suffer horribly from anxiety disorder. I was diagnosed yeeeeears ago, along with Fibromyalgia. Anyway, it took a long time to figure out what to do, but for me it was a long, but permanent healing process. I blog a bit about it at http://www.HealingRebel.com and a tiny bit at http:/www.CageFreeFamily.com In the interim, have you tried Ignatia Amara? I am not a big user of homeopathics (this is the only one) but it seemed to work well for me. In herbal tinctures Skullcap, St. Johns Wort, Motherwort, and California Poppy work really well too. All the best, A

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